Rainy Day Musings

Today is the kind of day that I love. It's rainy and cold, a little dreary but not miserable. The perfect day to curl up with a book and a cup of cocoa and just snuggle the day away. Unfortunately I had to work this morning. Now that I'm home, I have put on the least attractive outfit ever (Leggings, oversized hoodie) and am curled up watching LOST and reading The Diviners by Libba Bray. And I'm glad that I have the opportunity to just relax and hang out with fictional characters in fictional worlds and enjoy that. Tonight I'll watch DWTS and go to my auntie's house for a Castle party. But for just right now I'm content to be with myself- reading, watching TV, and snuggled up under a blanket on a rainy day.

Happy Birthday to Myself

Yesterday was my birthday, and as usual, I spent the day (and part of this morning) reflecting about where I am in my life and where I want to go from here. This year hasn't really been the best. By year I mean both the year I spent being 28 and also the year 2012. Most of this was due to the family problems I referenced in a blog post at the end of 2011, specifically with the fact that my mother had an affair and left my dad on Christmas* and has spent the past nine months ignoring me until she decided to come home two weeks before my birthday; thus ruining the two most important times of the year for me. But I'm trying to move past all that. See, most of this year I've been in a...not so great place. I'm not really talking battling depression or trying to find the will to go on...just kind of being unengaged with life. As some of you may know (or don't know but are getting ready to find out-you lucky devils) I was engaged several years ago and things didn't work out. It was gross and messy and terrible for me, but it truly would have been even more terrible had I gotten married. So, most days I'm really okay with the fact that I'm almost thirty** and single. Because usually, I'm quite HAPPY. Happy to not be in a relationship where I give too much of myself without having my own emotional needs filled. Happy to be surrounded by a family that is too wonderful to even describe. Happy to have wonderful friends, specifically the BFFs, but also the numerous people I know from online communities that I've been fortunate to connect with and inspire and be inspired by. Happy to enjoy the things I like without having to worry that the people around me may think I'm strange and unworthy of friendship. And mostly, happy that I have the freedom to be who I am and who I want to be without having to wonder if I should change to make other people happy. Unfortunately, this past year I've let the blahs get me down. I've retreated from social media, and the friends I have online. Because I don't engage with other people now. Not frequently. The BFFs and my friend Forest being the exception, I'm not sure I can even recall the last time I had a conversation with someone that I'm not related to or don't work with. That's probably not so healthy, ya know?

So, for the rest of this year AND for year 29 in general, my goal is to BE ENGAGED. That means back to tweeting, even if it is asinine details about the commute home from work or the MASH reruns my grandmother watches each night. Back to attempting to blog once in awhile. And not just sob stories about how bad things are. A lot of good stuff happens in my life. And recently I've been SO inspired by Kristen Cashore's blog because while she has been doing appearances for Bitterblue she has been posting picture blogs of the various places she's visited. I take approximately a million photos a week. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are random, sometimes they are ridiculous; but I'm pretty sure I'm going to start doing weekly photo blog updates about what's going on in my life. I'm also going to making an active effort to participate in the YouTube channel I have with BFF1. So far I've done a nice little tutorial and some videos with the BFF, but I haven't followed through with the commitment I made to her, which was that I would actually make videos and post them once a week. But no more! I'm taking the rest of September to wallow and rant and plan, and then in October I am coming back with a VENGEANCE. One more year in my 20s and I don't want to waste them. Life is for living, and sometimes it is easier to sit back and let the world pass us by, but that is not the life I choose to live any longer. I choose to be active. I choose to engage. I choose to LIVE and be a major character in my own story instead of an observer in the background.



*CHRISTMAS! After we opened all of our presents and she pretended none of us knew about her double life and that everything was fine. #bitter
**THIRTY! I live in a small town in the South, y'all I'm officially an Old Maid, Spinster, Maiden Aunt; whatever you want to call it

Urban Spelunking BEDA 6/31

This past weekend I went with my dad to look for a chair to pair with the vanity we restored for my room and to find a frame to use when I make a chalkboard to put up in my room. We happen to own a very old, decrepit house that was the original homestead of my family. It started as a one room cabin, and over time a lovely old two story home. This house is crumbling and slowly being taken over by nature, and it is quite sad really. Even though the home belongs to my mother's family, my dad has always dreamed of being able to have the time and money to completely restore the house. Since neither of those things have happened, it has become something of a storage facility. As we walked (and sometimes climbed) through the house to look for treasures, I found that I felt like I was participating in a very rustic form of urban spelunking. In between gushing over mid-century pieces of furniture and the beauty of the house itself, I also snapped several pictures with my handy dandy phone.

As you first pull into the lot the house sits on, you can see where nature has fought hard to take back over the land where it originally roamed. Vines climb over and between the wood slats and trees loom above the roof.

The front porch has become a loading dock of sorts. There are stacks of lumber, several doors, and some windows and screens that were either part of the original house or that have been collected over the years to help with the restoration of the home.  Time and weather have wreacked havoc on the house itself, tearing down siding and gutters, blowing out windows, and allowing more open spaces for grass and vines to pilfer through the house.

Once you head to the door you find a veritable smorgasbord of delightful objects. This is an old vat that is filled with nothing but green bottles of various shapes and sizes. Slowly Virginia Creeper has made it's way over the vat and around several of the bottles. 

Along with these lovely bottles I found an odd mixture of strange and beautiful items inside the house. 

A creepy baby doll

A stack of mattress springs

A copy of The Stand by Steven King, which I thought appropriately fit the eeriness of the house.

The staircase leading to the upper floor. 

The fireplace in the living room, even without the mantle it is beautiful.

Stacks of old mattresses that I'm sure have become homes for animals.

The bottom of the banister. I was very disappointed when I learned that this was purchased and not hand carved by my ancestors. 

All in all I enjoyed my opportunity to explore on Sunday. At one point some sort of animal ran across the roof while I was alone in a room, and I was almost convinced it was a velociraptor,* which lead to me not wandering around alone any longer.



*My dad says it was NOT a velociraptor, but I've seen Jurassic Park. I know what they sound like, and I know what happens to doubters.

Thoughts on BEDA 5/31

So, here is the problem I always encounter when I attempt BEDA... I don't do ANYTHING! Seriously, I hang out with my family and work (during BEDApril) and read. And I'm happy with that. But it is not a good combo for BEDA. You can't just blog about watching TV with your gma and reading HP fanfiction. I mean, you CAN, but not for 31 one days! Maybe next year I'll do BEDOctober or BEDMarch and BEDMay. Those are active months. But I'm sticking with BEDAugust this year, folks. I'm doing it! When I finish this blog I'm going to set up a picture blog to post early tomorrow and then I'm still going to do another post tomorrow evening. It's going to happen! Now that I've said this, I am committed! Two blog posts tomorrow!

In exciting news, I finally have one of my new bookshelves built and installed! It is so EXCITING! As I've mentioned before I am redecorating my room and adding storage space. One step is helping my dad build bookshelves to go in and add (much needed) space for books. Some might say "buy fewer books," to them I say "I don't understand the words you are saying." Since not buying books isn't an option, I needed shelves. Now I have one adorable bookshelf and I must decide what books to put on this small shelf that flanks my bed. It's an adventure! Of course my father and grandmother are amused by my anxiety over shelving books, but I'm used to their mockery!

Oops! BEDA 4/31

Well, as you can see I missed a day. HOWEVER, I am COMMITTED to blogging for 31 days. I know I say that every single BEDA, but I mean it this time. I'm doing a lot of interesting things right now with this redecorating project and I actually have things to blog about. So I am DOING IT! I fully intended to blog last night after my weekly movie date with my grandmother, if for no other reason than to discuss my feelings about the movie: Mirror, Mirror. But here's the thing...I was kind of underwhelmed. It wasn't BAD, but I didn't think it was GREAT either. I suppose I just expected a little bit more from a fairy tale retelling. In my opinion the characters were kind of flat and I didn't really care what happened to any of them. It didn't help that E spoiled a MAJOR part of the ending, so even then big *GASP* moment was kind of ruined. Alas, this was no Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix* level of disappointment, but I will probably not be rewatching this film. I didn't even think Julia Roberts was convincing as a villain. Nathan Lane, however, was AMAZING and well up to his usual standard. And of course the small appearance of Sean Bean** warmed my tiny fangirl heart! All in all, if you like fairy tale retellings, check this out. If you like AMAZING fairy tale retellings, read Jackson Pearce's books.




*OotP is arguably the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't think of another movie that I've EVER been more disappointed in, so much so that had I paid for my own ticket I would have written to Warner Bros and requested a refund. I was SO disappointed in that movie and it has become the yardstick I use to measure other disappointing movies.
**Although, I did remark to my dad that I was astounded that he was not viciously killed at some point because that seems to be his MO.

Moaning- BEDA 3

Tonight I have a headache. I say this as though it's an unusual occurrence when it really isn't out of the ordinary. Unfortunately I've been suffering from some other gross things- excessively bad allergies, being continuously wore out, allergy rash of DOOM, the headaches- and now I have to determine what the cause is. Is the issue just my normal seasonal allergies, a new allergies, stress related illness, another type of illness? Added to all of this is my distrust of doctors and my aversion to medication. I prefer using homeopathic remedies and solutions, rather than rely on chemicals to solve issues. Obviously there are exceptions, but I suffer from headaches and allergy symptoms so frequently that I don't feel comfortable adding chemicals that provide no release. Of course all of my home improvement things make my allergies explode in a mass of ick, so I'm really helping myself by tackling multiple projects a day. But at the end of the day I'm so immensely pleased with the work I've been doing that I don't recognize the problem until I'm miserable. Hopefully, I'll have some pictures of completed projects to post soon!

Lazy Days- BEDA 2

I have been short on lazy days this summer, and today hasn't been any different. At least twice a week I babysit Doodle and A, and while this is extremely fun it can also be exhausting. Today was a babysitting day. However, I also has some home improvement stuff to do for my grandmother, and that was even more exhausting. I cleaned a large segment of our kitchen walls, cleaned under our hanging cabinets, and then painted under our cabinets so we can install some hooks for easy storage/organization. This chore wasn't particularly hard, unless you are my right shoulder! After about thirty minutes I ended up with cramps in my shoulder and an ache in both of them from holding my hand over my head. After finishing the cabinets I worked on staining a vanity for my room redo! Tomorrow I am babysitting the cousins again and applying more stain to the vanity, and possibly building bookshelves! Now I'm just hoping I have one day to be lazy before school starts and I go back to work.

Don't forget to leave a comment to let me know you're doing BEDA