Rainy Day Musings

Today is the kind of day that I love. It's rainy and cold, a little dreary but not miserable. The perfect day to curl up with a book and a cup of cocoa and just snuggle the day away. Unfortunately I had to work this morning. Now that I'm home, I have put on the least attractive outfit ever (Leggings, oversized hoodie) and am curled up watching LOST and reading The Diviners by Libba Bray. And I'm glad that I have the opportunity to just relax and hang out with fictional characters in fictional worlds and enjoy that. Tonight I'll watch DWTS and go to my auntie's house for a Castle party. But for just right now I'm content to be with myself- reading, watching TV, and snuggled up under a blanket on a rainy day.

Happy Birthday to Myself

Yesterday was my birthday, and as usual, I spent the day (and part of this morning) reflecting about where I am in my life and where I want to go from here. This year hasn't really been the best. By year I mean both the year I spent being 28 and also the year 2012. Most of this was due to the family problems I referenced in a blog post at the end of 2011, specifically with the fact that my mother had an affair and left my dad on Christmas* and has spent the past nine months ignoring me until she decided to come home two weeks before my birthday; thus ruining the two most important times of the year for me. But I'm trying to move past all that. See, most of this year I've been in a...not so great place. I'm not really talking battling depression or trying to find the will to go on...just kind of being unengaged with life. As some of you may know (or don't know but are getting ready to find out-you lucky devils) I was engaged several years ago and things didn't work out. It was gross and messy and terrible for me, but it truly would have been even more terrible had I gotten married. So, most days I'm really okay with the fact that I'm almost thirty** and single. Because usually, I'm quite HAPPY. Happy to not be in a relationship where I give too much of myself without having my own emotional needs filled. Happy to be surrounded by a family that is too wonderful to even describe. Happy to have wonderful friends, specifically the BFFs, but also the numerous people I know from online communities that I've been fortunate to connect with and inspire and be inspired by. Happy to enjoy the things I like without having to worry that the people around me may think I'm strange and unworthy of friendship. And mostly, happy that I have the freedom to be who I am and who I want to be without having to wonder if I should change to make other people happy. Unfortunately, this past year I've let the blahs get me down. I've retreated from social media, and the friends I have online. Because I don't engage with other people now. Not frequently. The BFFs and my friend Forest being the exception, I'm not sure I can even recall the last time I had a conversation with someone that I'm not related to or don't work with. That's probably not so healthy, ya know?

So, for the rest of this year AND for year 29 in general, my goal is to BE ENGAGED. That means back to tweeting, even if it is asinine details about the commute home from work or the MASH reruns my grandmother watches each night. Back to attempting to blog once in awhile. And not just sob stories about how bad things are. A lot of good stuff happens in my life. And recently I've been SO inspired by Kristen Cashore's blog because while she has been doing appearances for Bitterblue she has been posting picture blogs of the various places she's visited. I take approximately a million photos a week. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes they are random, sometimes they are ridiculous; but I'm pretty sure I'm going to start doing weekly photo blog updates about what's going on in my life. I'm also going to making an active effort to participate in the YouTube channel I have with BFF1. So far I've done a nice little tutorial and some videos with the BFF, but I haven't followed through with the commitment I made to her, which was that I would actually make videos and post them once a week. But no more! I'm taking the rest of September to wallow and rant and plan, and then in October I am coming back with a VENGEANCE. One more year in my 20s and I don't want to waste them. Life is for living, and sometimes it is easier to sit back and let the world pass us by, but that is not the life I choose to live any longer. I choose to be active. I choose to engage. I choose to LIVE and be a major character in my own story instead of an observer in the background.



*CHRISTMAS! After we opened all of our presents and she pretended none of us knew about her double life and that everything was fine. #bitter
**THIRTY! I live in a small town in the South, y'all I'm officially an Old Maid, Spinster, Maiden Aunt; whatever you want to call it

Urban Spelunking BEDA 6/31

This past weekend I went with my dad to look for a chair to pair with the vanity we restored for my room and to find a frame to use when I make a chalkboard to put up in my room. We happen to own a very old, decrepit house that was the original homestead of my family. It started as a one room cabin, and over time a lovely old two story home. This house is crumbling and slowly being taken over by nature, and it is quite sad really. Even though the home belongs to my mother's family, my dad has always dreamed of being able to have the time and money to completely restore the house. Since neither of those things have happened, it has become something of a storage facility. As we walked (and sometimes climbed) through the house to look for treasures, I found that I felt like I was participating in a very rustic form of urban spelunking. In between gushing over mid-century pieces of furniture and the beauty of the house itself, I also snapped several pictures with my handy dandy phone.

As you first pull into the lot the house sits on, you can see where nature has fought hard to take back over the land where it originally roamed. Vines climb over and between the wood slats and trees loom above the roof.

The front porch has become a loading dock of sorts. There are stacks of lumber, several doors, and some windows and screens that were either part of the original house or that have been collected over the years to help with the restoration of the home.  Time and weather have wreacked havoc on the house itself, tearing down siding and gutters, blowing out windows, and allowing more open spaces for grass and vines to pilfer through the house.

Once you head to the door you find a veritable smorgasbord of delightful objects. This is an old vat that is filled with nothing but green bottles of various shapes and sizes. Slowly Virginia Creeper has made it's way over the vat and around several of the bottles. 

Along with these lovely bottles I found an odd mixture of strange and beautiful items inside the house. 

A creepy baby doll

A stack of mattress springs

A copy of The Stand by Steven King, which I thought appropriately fit the eeriness of the house.

The staircase leading to the upper floor. 

The fireplace in the living room, even without the mantle it is beautiful.

Stacks of old mattresses that I'm sure have become homes for animals.

The bottom of the banister. I was very disappointed when I learned that this was purchased and not hand carved by my ancestors. 

All in all I enjoyed my opportunity to explore on Sunday. At one point some sort of animal ran across the roof while I was alone in a room, and I was almost convinced it was a velociraptor,* which lead to me not wandering around alone any longer.



*My dad says it was NOT a velociraptor, but I've seen Jurassic Park. I know what they sound like, and I know what happens to doubters.

Thoughts on BEDA 5/31

So, here is the problem I always encounter when I attempt BEDA... I don't do ANYTHING! Seriously, I hang out with my family and work (during BEDApril) and read. And I'm happy with that. But it is not a good combo for BEDA. You can't just blog about watching TV with your gma and reading HP fanfiction. I mean, you CAN, but not for 31 one days! Maybe next year I'll do BEDOctober or BEDMarch and BEDMay. Those are active months. But I'm sticking with BEDAugust this year, folks. I'm doing it! When I finish this blog I'm going to set up a picture blog to post early tomorrow and then I'm still going to do another post tomorrow evening. It's going to happen! Now that I've said this, I am committed! Two blog posts tomorrow!

In exciting news, I finally have one of my new bookshelves built and installed! It is so EXCITING! As I've mentioned before I am redecorating my room and adding storage space. One step is helping my dad build bookshelves to go in and add (much needed) space for books. Some might say "buy fewer books," to them I say "I don't understand the words you are saying." Since not buying books isn't an option, I needed shelves. Now I have one adorable bookshelf and I must decide what books to put on this small shelf that flanks my bed. It's an adventure! Of course my father and grandmother are amused by my anxiety over shelving books, but I'm used to their mockery!

Oops! BEDA 4/31

Well, as you can see I missed a day. HOWEVER, I am COMMITTED to blogging for 31 days. I know I say that every single BEDA, but I mean it this time. I'm doing a lot of interesting things right now with this redecorating project and I actually have things to blog about. So I am DOING IT! I fully intended to blog last night after my weekly movie date with my grandmother, if for no other reason than to discuss my feelings about the movie: Mirror, Mirror. But here's the thing...I was kind of underwhelmed. It wasn't BAD, but I didn't think it was GREAT either. I suppose I just expected a little bit more from a fairy tale retelling. In my opinion the characters were kind of flat and I didn't really care what happened to any of them. It didn't help that E spoiled a MAJOR part of the ending, so even then big *GASP* moment was kind of ruined. Alas, this was no Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix* level of disappointment, but I will probably not be rewatching this film. I didn't even think Julia Roberts was convincing as a villain. Nathan Lane, however, was AMAZING and well up to his usual standard. And of course the small appearance of Sean Bean** warmed my tiny fangirl heart! All in all, if you like fairy tale retellings, check this out. If you like AMAZING fairy tale retellings, read Jackson Pearce's books.




*OotP is arguably the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't think of another movie that I've EVER been more disappointed in, so much so that had I paid for my own ticket I would have written to Warner Bros and requested a refund. I was SO disappointed in that movie and it has become the yardstick I use to measure other disappointing movies.
**Although, I did remark to my dad that I was astounded that he was not viciously killed at some point because that seems to be his MO.

Moaning- BEDA 3

Tonight I have a headache. I say this as though it's an unusual occurrence when it really isn't out of the ordinary. Unfortunately I've been suffering from some other gross things- excessively bad allergies, being continuously wore out, allergy rash of DOOM, the headaches- and now I have to determine what the cause is. Is the issue just my normal seasonal allergies, a new allergies, stress related illness, another type of illness? Added to all of this is my distrust of doctors and my aversion to medication. I prefer using homeopathic remedies and solutions, rather than rely on chemicals to solve issues. Obviously there are exceptions, but I suffer from headaches and allergy symptoms so frequently that I don't feel comfortable adding chemicals that provide no release. Of course all of my home improvement things make my allergies explode in a mass of ick, so I'm really helping myself by tackling multiple projects a day. But at the end of the day I'm so immensely pleased with the work I've been doing that I don't recognize the problem until I'm miserable. Hopefully, I'll have some pictures of completed projects to post soon!

Lazy Days- BEDA 2

I have been short on lazy days this summer, and today hasn't been any different. At least twice a week I babysit Doodle and A, and while this is extremely fun it can also be exhausting. Today was a babysitting day. However, I also has some home improvement stuff to do for my grandmother, and that was even more exhausting. I cleaned a large segment of our kitchen walls, cleaned under our hanging cabinets, and then painted under our cabinets so we can install some hooks for easy storage/organization. This chore wasn't particularly hard, unless you are my right shoulder! After about thirty minutes I ended up with cramps in my shoulder and an ache in both of them from holding my hand over my head. After finishing the cabinets I worked on staining a vanity for my room redo! Tomorrow I am babysitting the cousins again and applying more stain to the vanity, and possibly building bookshelves! Now I'm just hoping I have one day to be lazy before school starts and I go back to work.

Don't forget to leave a comment to let me know you're doing BEDA

BEDA....We Meet Again

Well hello there, August 1! How YOU doin'? In all seriousness, August brings a lot of things: the start of school, work days, frantic back to school shopping, BEDA, and this year it also has the Olympics! I've spent several evenings parked on the couch watching* various events. There are a lot of things I like about the Olympics. The sense of camaraderie, seeing world records broken, watching someone win a medal- especially if their country hasn't won medals before or in several years; and the chance to watch sports that aren't usually televised.

How many of you are watching the games? What are your favorite sports to watch (and cheer for) during the Olympics?



*Except for tonight when I've mainly been snoozing because I can't seem to stay

R and R to the Max

This summer has been so incredibly  nice. As it winds down I figured it would be good to look back at some of the highlights I experienced.

• By not working I've really been far less stressed than I usually am during the school year, and that has been LOVELY!
• I've spent a lot of time with my family. A trip to the beach, I baby sit Doodle and A two days a week, and one of my aunts comes over each day for lunch.
• I've spent a lot of time in contact with BFF1. Whether it is textversations or lunch dates when she is in town, it seems like there has been a lot more contact than there is during the school year when we are both working.
• I've read a lot of books. Well, 13 books as of today. My goal for the summer was to read 20 books, and with roughly 3 weeks left I may actually meet that goal!
• I've worked really hard to do a complete overhaul of my room. I've donated a lot of things to goodwill, rearranged furniture, and I'm getting ready to build bookshelves. I haven't updated on a lot of these room things because I'm doing BEDA* (I know, I know) and I figured that I should probably save something for THOSE posts. 
• With this room redesign I've been spending a lot of time with my dad. This is nice since he is moving within the next few weeks. That's something I'm trying not to focus on because it leads to ALL THE TEARS!

Of course there are some not so great things. I haven't seen BFF2 on a daily basis like I do during the school year. Money has been tight. Some days have been more "work until you are bone tired" as opposed to "veg on the couch." But at the end of the day, the good things outweigh the bad. As usual. I hope you've all had amazing summers and that there have been many fun experiences for you all!

*If any of you plan to do BEDA leave a comment so I know, and I'll visit your blogs come August with all the comments!

Vacation Round-Up

I have returned (very late Friday night) from an impromptu trip to the beach with some of my cousins.* To sum up the list of characters: my cousin Jo and her husband Todd along with their kids A and Doodle, my cousin Ryan and his wife Terry and their kid Baby Cash, and my cousin Doda. And me of course! I've struggled recently with family drama...as discussed in my last post things with my mom have been weighing on my mind a lot lately and I don't really have the chance to really deal with those feelings. I live with my grandmother (my mom's mom) and any mention of my mother really upsets her, so I try to avoid any mentions at home. I obviously don't want to upset my dad by talking about things a lot. And truthfully I just hate focusing on everything, even if talking it out probably would help me deal with things. Usually I just work around my frustrations and focus negative energy into positive things to distract myself.

ANYWAY, the point is, I had the opportunity to tag along on my cousins' family vacation. It's been roughly six years since I've been to the beach and I've missed the experience. Mostly though I just enjoyed being away from my troubles. I spent a week reading in the sun, playing with the baby cousins, and hanging out with my older cousins. I ate good food and had a few drinks. I played in the ocean and allowed myself to be in awe of the greatness of creation. I watched dolphins swim in the ocean and went to the aquarium. Basically, I lived free for the week. I set down my burdens and relaxed. And it was the best time I've had in such a long time.

I'm truly grateful for my family. I realize I focus on them a lot, both here and on Twitter, but that's because I've committed myself to surrounding myself with people who love me and that I love. Family is a sure fired way to do that. They have seen me at my very worst and have loved me through it all, and the same is true for them. Sometimes they drive me crazy, and I'm sure that I grate on their nerves at time. I don't always fit in...I'm not sporty and I my idea of an outdoor activity is reading in the shade**, but I'm accepted in spite of my oddities. And when things are gross and bad and I need somewhere to hide out, I always have a place...or ten. And there will never be a way for me to express how blessed I am to have this group of people tied to me indefinitely.




*Honestly, I should make a tab just to keep track of my relatives!
**We won't even get into my crazy liberal ideas.

BFF Antics

Earlier this week my grandmother had an appointment with her endocrinologist and I volunteered to drive her to Roanoke for her appointment. This was not the best choice I've ever made. Two of my aunties came along and we planned to meet BFF1 for lunch and some shopping afterwards since my grandmother's appointment was in the town where she currently lives. This didn't work out as planned because even though we left on time we also ran into a wreck on the interstate and were almost late for the appointment. This frustrated one of my aunts. The other was upset because she had things to do at home and wasn't excited about a day spent shopping. I ignored the overwhelming silence in my car on the ride to Roanoke and tried to make the best of the situation. A feat made easier because my bestie is used to these dramatics and when she met us at the doctor's office she helped distract me from the uneasiness. We spent our time in the waiting room sitting side by side playing DrawSomething with each other and laughing at how terrible we are at the game and chatting about various things. After the doctor we went to lunch at a pizza bar, and that was AMAZING and tasty. After lunch we embarked on Speed Shopping. Literally. I went through Target at a jog, grabbing random items that were on my shopping list so that we could GET OUT IN A HURRY!!! I needed to buy a pair of jeans, but didn't have time to try on. I'm not so upset about THAT...I absolutely HATE trying on pants.*

During the awkward lunch and doctor's visit and all through Speed Shopping BFF1 and I chatted about various difficulties we have dealt with recently. We had been out to lunch the previous day since she was in my town (her hometown) which ended with me almost in tears over my cheese fries. I know, right! Why are there tears if cheese fries are present?! Turns out that even after six months, conversations centering around my mother can cause emotional turmoil. I'm blessed because BFF1 handled it like a CHAMP! So we revisited my emotional breakdown the previous day and also talked about how she is sometimes uncomfortable in the area she currently lives and also about how we just miss each other. She only lives about an hour and a half away now, but that's a big adjustment since she had previously lived 15 minutes away from me since we were in fifth grade. We have adjusted well, but things are a lot different and sometimes it is really hard to be far apart. We talk to each other constantly throughout the day and we have a group of shows that we "watch" together while texting comments about the content, but the time we spend together via phone or computer dwindles during the summer. To counteract that we have started a "book club." It's not really much of a book club with just the two of us, but we're testing the waters for now. If we enjoy it and are successful we may expand and include some of our other friends.** For now we're slogging through Hissy Fit by Mary Kay Andrews, and when we've finished I'll update this with our progress/success. Hopefully it will be a fun activity to share. I love reading and she doesn't read many novels, but we both love funny girls and The South so MKA was a good starting point for us. Mainly I'm looking forward to sharing an activity with someone I adore, that I miss on an almost daily basis.

I have to say...I have mad respect for you guys that move away from your childhood friends and your families. Perhaps you are better at making friends than I am, maybe you're just braver...but I get absolutely verklempt whenever I think about leaving this tiny place that has been my home for 28 years.


*Or shirts, or dresses, or basically anything. It sucks.
**Who are we kidding, we don't actually have that many friends...hence the two man book club.

Summer Break Thus Far

So far summer break has been HECTIC! This isn't really unexpected, I've had cousins around since Thursday, have a family cook out today for Memorial Day, and have been attempting to get paperwork done before the work day at my office since I have to use that day for file review/updates. So far I've had a mani/pedi to celebrate the start of summer, baked cookies, made Nutella swirl ice cream pops, and froze lemonade so I can attempt to make my very own Lemon Berry Slush.* All of these things were accomplished with E by my side. I also had The Clone over Friday night, and have been plagued by allergies which thoroughly  ruined all my plans to work outside yesterday. Instead of weeding my herb bed and restacking wood so I can hang my hammock, I slept on the couch for three hours and watched several episodes of ANTM. I know, I live the high life. 

Right now I'm letting tea steep so I can make sweet tea for out cook out, and trying to plan a summer reading list. Also highly exciting plans. The plan for today is to spend the evening with the family, swim in my aunt's pool while trying to avoid being drowned by the cousins, and probably have E back tonight for slushes and movies. Now that she is out of school I'm sure I'll have her here at least three times a week, probably more. This is always fun, but slightly exhausting...sometimes I have trouble keeping up with a nine year old, especially one with so much energy! Hopefully this summer with little to no work will give me the time I need to work on some projects here at home and to successfully deal with the stress I've been under due to family drama. I'd like to start next school year a happier, healthier person and I'm planning to use this summer to do make that happen!

*Hands down my favorite thing on the Sonic menu.

#BestSummerEver*

THREE AND A HALF MORE DAYS!!!! Just one partial week and then school is over and summer is here! I am so stinking excited. Last summer I tried to do this thing where I highlighted all the things that made my summer great. I did some amazing things: I took a road trip to Orlando for LeakyCon with BFF2, I spent a lot of time with my family (especially The Fantastic Four) and my besties, and just generally enjoyed my summer. I spent some time reading. I marathoned some TV shows. I also got bogged down by work. Luckily this summer I'm not working and I truly plan to make this the Best Summer Ever.

Of course I have a HUGE list of things I'd like to get completed over the summer. I have the room redecorating project to prep, several major projects to complete for my Maw-Maw, and the weight loss/exercise goals. I also have a reading list** that I'd like to work through and I'll probably spend several evenings watching TV shows and have movie marathons with The Fantastic Four. Doda is already planning on us watching the all of the extended editions of the Lord of the Rings movies. Because they aren't long enough, we need extended footage of the Fellowship!

But more than anything I just want to enjoy myself. I don't have a problem working, but recently I've really needed a break. So, unlike LAST summer I plan to make regular updates and share all the excitement with all of you!***



*Stayed tuned on Twitter and on the blog for this fancy tag, which will highlight all the adventures I have in the next two and a half months.
**Which I'll post in a separate page as soon as I finalize it, until then you can always follow along with my GoodReads account.
***Really, guys. Regular updates! You'll see. Promise.

All Roads Lead to Ice Cream

Occasionally my Maw-Maw and I have conversations that go like this:

Me- What are we having for dinner?
Her- I'm not sure, I'm not even really hungry.
Me- Let's have ICE CREAM!!!

This is proof positive that I'm a mature adult and also a major reason that I am not super slim. Or slim at all. I've talked about summer plans before, and one major goal is to lose 20 pounds. That seems like a reasonable number considering I'm going to be swimming daily, I'm doing the Couch to 5k program, and with fresh produce I'll be eating loads of fruit and veggie based dishes throughout the summer. I'm excited for this, and I hope that I actually stick with these activities. I've been pretty concerned about health issues recently and I really do want to be a healthy weight. Although...I'm not willing to give up ice cream and delicious baked goods completely. Everything in moderation is going to be my new motto!

BEDA 10: Updates

If I decide to do this in August, I'd like someone to punch me.

Moving on! As usual there is not much going on in Small Town, USA. I've been on this work, read, sleep, repeat routine for weeks now. Work is the same as always. We just finished up all of the Mock Standardized Testing last week, and we will start actual testing on May 1. I'm so glad I'm not a kid. I mean, I'm completely burned out and I haven't even had to take any tests! Massive testing means boring work days filled with too quiet hallways and large amounts of paperwork catch-up. The bright side is that as of tomorrow there are only five weeks of school left! FIVE WEEKS! I'm so excited I can't stand it! I've been reviewing my finances and my Summer To Do List in preparation of my free summer. I worked in my herb bed yesterday and checked the mini-composting I've been doing. The rate of decay seems spot on, and I added some extra coffee grounds and egg shells to the mix and then turned the top layer of soil over, burying the compost. I'll turn everything again next weekend to continue to mix the compost into my soil and it won't be long before I'm planting herbs and trying fancy pants recipes with tasty fresh herbs! Unfortunately I discovered that a colony of ants have moved into one corner of the bed. I'm a bit worried about what to do with them, because I'm so anti-pesticides but I need to find a way to get rid of them. An article I read online suggested sprinkling cinnamon around the hill because the ants hate it and will leave. This seemed to be working yesterday, but it rained for most of the afternoon and I'm not sure that it actually worked. It's supposed to snow tonight though, so that will probably take care of the ant issue.

While we're on the subject, SNOW?!?!? Really? It's almost MAY and for the first time in recent memory school will actually be over before mid June. I'd prefer it to stay warm and slightly rainy. We don't really need winter weather at this point! I'm ready for lazy days in the hammock, swim session with The Cousins, soaking up warm rays of sun,* and mornings in the garden. So I'm hoping that the weather doesn't get too wintery and that spring reemerges SOON!

I'm going to try to finish strong with BEDA, since I got more than a little lost in the middle of the month. I have no real excuses, except for massive allergy attacks and large bouts of sleeping off the associated pain. Hopefully silver lining of the imminent snowfall is that it will reduce the pollen counts and I won't be quiet so miserable.



*After lathering myself full of sunscreen. I'm also anti-tanning. Skin cancer is a MAJOR fear and I am as safe as possible while in the sun.

BEDA 9: Ice Cream

Allow me to share with you a riveting story. Today after working my required 8 hours and then trudging home, I discovered that our mail lady had delivered the second and third discs of Downton Abbey. Huzzah! I've been looking forward to seeing how season two ends for quite some time. After watching the first two episodes of Disc Two (and crying and sniffling my way through the episodes) I decided I needed junk food. "I'm getting ice cream!" I announced to my grandmother. She was EXTREMELY impressed by my ability to say words and asked me to bring her some ice cream as well. Only one large scoop though. While scooping out her ice cream I managed to rip the box. "Quelle horror!" I exclaimed. After tearing the box open I realized that there was NO WAY I could salvage the remaining ice cream and would therefore need to eat ALL THE ICE CREAM. So I did. Now that I've devoured a gigantic bowl of ice cream I've been sucked back into the world of Downton Abbey. Seriously, if you love British people, period dramas, an beautiful sets you should be watching this show. It is WONDERFUL!

BEDA 8: The Problem with Loving Books

Clearly this is no longer BEDA...however, I do hereby swear that there WILL be thirty blog posts by the end of April.* I don't really have any excuse for not posting yesterday, and really what is the point of dwelling on our past failures? ONTO THE ACTUAL BLOG POST!!!

It's no secret that I love books. Just flat out adore them. I love them in any format - hardback, paperback, ebook, with the dust jacket, without the dust jacket, new, used, borrowed, etc. It doesn't really matter to my how I get my hands on a book as long as I have books. The problem is...space. And also time. There will never be enough time in my life for me to read all the books that I will desire to read. And that makes me a little sad, but it also makes the discovery of books that I love and cherish even more special in the long run. Currently I have a LOT of books. I have stacks of books and shelves filled with books and my friends have stacks of books that I've loaned them and I have an ereader that is ALSO filled with books. It's no surprise that one of my Major Summer Goals is to reorganize my bookshelves and catalog all of my books. This is vital for numerous reasons. 1) I'll know what books I own, 2) I'll know where my books are, and which books are off in the Wild Blue Yonder, and 3) I'll be able to weed through my shelves and donate books that I don't need for whatever reason.

Another major issue with having ALL THE BOOKS is actually deciding what to read. I ran into this issue this weekend when I had several hysterical crying outbursts because of Family Drama (centering around my mother) and I just wanted something fluffy and funny to read. You know what I don't own a lot of? Fluffy, funny books. So I was torn, should I read something I love (HP) and find comfort in that? Should I pick up something random from my shelves and risk it being filled with angst? Should I just ignore all the books and watch super hot brothers kill demons on Netflix? I had too many options, which usually happens when it comes to deciding What to Read.** Truthfully, I'd rather have too many options when it comes to What to Read than no options at all. And sometimes I look around at all of the books I'm hoarding and I remember that there are children and adults all over the world who don't own books. And then I dislike myself just a little bit. I'm good about giving books away and donating money to book related charities and the like, but I still feel kind of greedy when I see how much I have. I'm sure that by the end of summer I will have donated a large number of books to my local library or I will have them boxed up and ready to mail out to some sort of book drive. And then I'll start the process of purchasing and hoarding books all over again.






*No really, guys...I am GOING to do this. Really!
**For the record I just read a book I had already started.

BEDA 7: Updates

At 11:33 PM I finished Paper Towns (HUZZAH) and completed my Book Nerds for Lent challenge. I'll probably post more about that tomorrow or Monday. I don't have much to talk about as today has consisted of lazing about and reading a book. I watched Hugo though, and it was AMAZING more on THAT later too. Ultimately this seems like one big teaser post. Apologies for that. The reason things are disjointed and half-formed is mainly because Old lady Bedtime rolled around about 45 minutes ago and I can't cope. I'm rarely awake past 11, but forced myself to stay up to finish PT and also to update ye olde blog as promised this morning in my scintillating post about compost. Now I'm going to bed because my allergies are off the wall and I'm tired! Expect a REAL post tomorrow! And have a happy Easter/day/Passover/whatever you may be celebrating

BEDA 6: Herb Bed Planning

It only took me SIX DAYS to fail BEDA!!! Go me!! I honestly had the bones of this typed and ready to finish up last night before I went to bed, but then I received a message from my mother, which made me EXTREMELY upset and ended up crying for over an hour and falling asleep completely wrung out without even thinking about finishing this post. That means TWO posts today, folks!*

Day two of spring break included baking two batches of cookies and prepping my herb bed. I really wanted to build and plant an herb bed last year, but due to the sheer overwhelmingness of summer I didn't manage. I wanted to try this quick fix composting trick this year, but I've been lazy and I'm not sure it's going to have enough time to really work. Now, without further ado, HERE is a pictorial blog about my herb bed prepping.

This is the wild mess that is growing beside our front porch , which must be groomed into submission before I can even think about doing my garden!

After clearing all of the weeds, I turned all the dirt over, and cleared rocks and twigs from the area. 

After I finished the major prep work I started building my quick and easy compost set up. I'm really nervous about this part, and I want to run outside every 15 minutes or so and peek under the tarp** to see if things are working, but I can't or it really won't work!!!

Step One: I used ashes from our wood stove as the base of my compost. Ashes add various nutrients to the soil for healthier plants!

Step Two: Luckily Doda mowed our yard today so I had fresh grass clippings to add for the first "green" layer. Green layers are what add nitrogen to your compost/soil and are also essential for decomposition.

Step Three: The "brown" layer consisted of dried pine needles. Brown layers add carbon to your soil, which helps with decomposition. These break down really easily and have made my regular compost heap work really well!***

I added dried bread to my mini pile to help everything start to break down. This is just an added  step so that things stew and the bugs are attracted to my compost dump.

Last I covered everything in a layer of grass to add more "green" material to break down and also to discourage animals from sniffing out the bread and disturbing everything.****

After I added all the layers to my herb bed, I used an old black plastic trash bag to cover everything. This ensure that heat and water are contained and it also discourages animals.

In a week or so I will go out and check on this bed to see if all of the elements are meshing well. I'll also mix the compost for the first time and I'll add water if the materials are too dry.***** After I turn the heap I'll be adding coffee grounds and maybe some shredded newspaper, depending on how quickly these materials are breaking down. I'm planning on planting my herbs mid-May, so I don't have time for heavy duty composting, and truly that is reserved for the heap I have in the back year.

If you are interested in starting a compost heap, this is a great website I've found that details different styles of composting,****** has resources, and even talks about how much of each type of material you should add to your own compost heap! I'm a huge fan of being green whenever possible, and composting is a really easy, and beneficial way to be green. And if you garden (vegetable, flower, or container) the composted material really improves the quality of your produce without adding harmful chemical agents to your plants!






*Get excited!
**And by "tarp" I mean "black plastic trash bag"
***I have no idea why this picture imported upside down, lets just roll with it!
****Another photo that refuses to orient correctly. No idea why
*****I was lucky that we had massive storms all week so my soil and the pine needles were both pretty moist. If you're trying this and everything is dry make sure you lightly water your heap before covering it.
******My dream is to start a worm compost, but it just isn't possible at this point in my life. Maybe when I have kids I'll do one in a glass aquarium so they can watch the worms break down the organic materials.

BEDA 5: "Spring" Break and Lent Updates

I am now officially on break! Technically this is our spring break, but when you live in a tiny town that is mostly White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestants it's referred to as Easter Break. I don't care what they call it as long as I don't have to work until Tuesday! But with Easter fast approaching I thought I would review my Lent for Book Nerds challenge.* I was really happy with this challenge. While I didn't always manage to get my 30 minutes of reading in every day, I do feel like I spent a good amount of time reading over the past 40 days. I only reread one book, and I've finished nine books so far. This means that I only need to finish reading ONE book by midnight on Saturday! This should be gravy because I'm rereading Paper Towns right now and I started a memoir about the filming of Breakfast at Tiffany's that I've been reading for about a week, but haven't made much progress on. The best thing about this Lenten Challenge (in my opinion) is that I really took time to evaluate my TBR list and make headway there** and I enjoyed taking time to read. I know that sounds silly, and anyone who knows me in real life would probably argue that I spend more than enough time reading,*** but I am usually bogged down with paperwork (or really painful allergy symptoms) and I don't take time to do things for myself. That has been changing over the past few months and with a summer filled with NO WORK I am going to have even MORE time to devote to myself. I generally think that I'm a pretty selfish person, but recent events in my life have reminded me that I really do put others first a lot of the time. I live with my grandmother, who is very capable but is also elderly, and I spend a lot of my at home time doing little things to make her life easier. I've been keeping a lot of my personal anxieties on the download because the rest of my family is reacting so poorly to this entire mess that has been going on with my mother. My weekends generally consist of having at least one of my cousins at my house for sleepovers and generally at least one night per week I am going to one of their games or picking one up from practice. And I am SO HAPPY to do those things for the people that I love, but it also adds to my stress levels and leads to me feeling crappy on a regular basis because I HATE disappointing people. And ultimately, as much as running around like a chicken with my head cut off to do things for my family can seem overwhelming, they are also the most therapeutic thing in my life and being around them allows me to heal. Catch-22 situation at it's best! And worst. But summer is going to be all about spending time on ME. Yes, I am going to be doing some home improvement type things for my grandmother and I will most likely be moving my father halfway across the country so he can be away from my mother and all of the drama that comes with her and also so he can begin a new job. But summer will also consist of sitting in my hammock, reading in the sun, messing in my compost heap and herb bed, camping with the cousins, and swimming every single day. It will involve HEALING and making sure I am okay when I go back to work in August. I am looking forward to the end of May for the first time since I graduated high school, and THAT is an amazing feeling.



*Giving up fast food for Lent was a complete success. No real issues with that, except on days we had meetings. I just used those as an excuse to eat yummy Chinese food!
**I only I only read one newly purchased book (Black Heart by Holly Black) during this challenge, all others were previously owned.
***No such thing