Sunday, January 17, 2010

In Which I Blog Instead of Doing My Work

It's bright and early on Sunday morning and I'm frantically trying to complete the insane amount of paperwork I have left to turn in on Monday before I go to the school. So, what am I doing instead? Well, I'm listening to songs by The Oceanic Six, a band that sings about Lost, and blogging. At least I'm avoiding a book! That's good, right?

Anyway, the reason for the post is that I'm feeling somewhat distracted and maudlin. Sure, good music helps, but so does talking about your feelings. Right? Anyway, my family is gone and I'm pretty sure talking to yourself just makes you seem nuts (and I really don't need help in that department.) Moving on. Here is a little backstory about me. Not really that I share with people on a regular basis, but it is relevant to my current mood. Okay, when I was in college I met a guy. Things were good with this guy, not perfect-we had plenty of ups and downs, but they were good. I fell in love. He fell in love. We finished college and planned to get married, but then we didn't. I don't actually know what happened because I never got an explanation, but it was horrible. It was one of those events that shapes your future. So, I haven't been out on a date in a year and a half. A lot of that has do with the fact that I just enjoy my family, I live in a small town, and most of my friends are in relationships so I'd have to fly solo on a night out. It also has to do with the fact that I don't really know if I am interested in being in a relationship again. I'm very much a traditionalist and I don't really do casual relationships. Mainly because I'm busy and I don't really have time to invest in something that is going to go nowhere. Also, because honestly I want a family and I'm goal oriented and I don't see the point in being part of something that has no future. That's harsh, but it's how I am. I can't really help that. A large part of it also has to do with being hurt so badly. I've had other relationships, and some of them ended horribly, but never left me so broken. That sounds really dramatic I know, but it is the truth.

So now the dilemma is this: all of my friends are in a relationship. Now, this doesn't mean I think I need to be in a relationship, but it does mean that they think I should. Last night my cousins girlfriend had some sort of "Eureka!" moment where she realized her cousin is perfect for me!!! The problem with the perfect cousin? He lived thirteen hours away. However, I'm apt to believe that long distance could work better. Things are more exciting when you only see someone once in a while. I know this because epic-fail-relationship was semi-long distance. The reason distance is an issue is because of the things I miss about being in a relationship. I miss having someone to hold my hand, someone to drive to town if I don't feel like it, someone to decided chicken or pasta, little stuff. I don't know. This whole post is kind of BLAH, and I'm sure it wasn't what you were expecting. I'm going to set on the perfect cousin info and see how I feel about it. I have to think things through. Impulse is not my friend! Hope you guys had a great weekend!

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